Dependency
by PixelPrince
Summary: The only stable parts of Haruka's life are water and Tachibana Makoto, and he can't afford to lose either of them.
**I actually wrote this two years ago but never posted it anywhere, hence why Makoto's plans for the future aren't quite canon, but it still fits in pretty well. Also, don't read if you have an aversion to the idea of having very co-dependent relationships (I only say this because I once saw someone complaining about Makoto and Haru's relationship being unhealthy, but imo it works well for them the way it is).**

 **Enjoy !**

* * *

Haruka was suffocatingly dependent on Makoto - and he knew it very well. However, Haruka couldn't imagine himself any other way; Makoto's presence had been his support, love and home ever since he could remember. Henceforth, it came as no surprise that Haruka's emotional stability was attacked somewhat violently for the first time when he and his best friend were fourteen years old.

"Say, Haru-chan," Makoto addressed him, sprawling out comfortably on the futon which had been laid out for their sleepover. Haruka gave a soft hum as an indication that he was listening whilst he settled himself on his back, next to Makoto, before he continued.

"College isn't really that far away now - do you have any idea of what you want to do?" Makoto mused. Haruka internally groaned at the thought of the impending responsibility.

"Whatever. As long as I can swim, it's fine," he responded vaguely. Makoto giggled as he added,

"As expected of Haru-chan." And in that moment, the first slither of many feelings of anxiety unveiled itself to Haruka.

"And what about you, Makoto? Is swimming something you'd pursue also?" he asked, despite the fact that Haruka knew very well what the answer to that question was.

"I doubt it," Makoto's face fell. "I'm probably more suited to academics - my parents think so too. They want me to aim for the very top colleges in Japan, but honestly, I reckon that's a little out of my league also," Makoto smiled sadly. Haruka drew in a somewhat panicked breath.

"So they want you to leave Iwatobi?" Haruka's question trembled with a little shock. The soft touch of Makoto's palm over the surface of his hand calmed him a little, and a thumb rubbed his own as Makoto hushed,

"Don't worry about it now, it's a long way off..."

"You only just said it really isn't far away yourself," Haruka interjected. A hum of conflicting emotions released itself from Makoto's concern. The idea of Makoto leaving had never before even occurred to Haruka's desperate dependency. In fact, he hadn't even been aware that he _had_ such dependency on Makoto; he liked to make believe that Makoto simply fussed over him too much, but in that moment, Haruka first realised that that wasn't the case at all. New feelings of _needing_ and _wanting_ engulfed his usual aura of indifference and Haruka grasped the hand in his palm tighter and tighter.

"Haru?" concern laced Makoto's tone in response to the tight grasp which screamed 'please don't leave', it wasn't as if Haruka could even try to say it out loud. He pressed his lips shut, not trusting himself to say anything aloud. Haruka felt as if he were overreacting to the situation, but his thoughts and concerns were escaping from his rationality with more and more speed. However, Makoto, being as they were, had a very strong inclination as to exactly why Haruka was suddenly so anxious. The hand he held was even trembling.

"Haru," he said softly, turning on his side to face the other boy. "I'm not going anywhere," Makoto assured him, gently wrapping his arms around Haruka, nuzzling his face into the crook of Haruka's neck. Haruka accepted these gestures gratefully, cuddling his friend tightly in return. He felt Makoto press a soft kiss to his cheek, followed by,

"Goodnight, Haru-chan."

Flustered, the bed beside the two remained empty throughout the night.

* * *

The topic did not arise between the two again until they were both sixteen. During this period, Haruka had been feeling a little helpless. Swimming competitively only brought him grief, and he could barely bring himself to wake up every day, nevermind set out a plan for his future. Whenever his parents visited, it was always the words 'lawyer' or 'engineer' being pushed towards him, although they all knew the chances of Haruka actually obliging and working towards such positions were next to nothing. His grandmother always told him to simply do what made him happy and work hard doing so, but now that she was gone, the pressure of the future became a little more suffocating.

That was, apart from when he was with Makoto.

Haruka was aware by now that their relationship overstepped the margins of "friendship" by quite a significant amount, and so did his feelings for Makoto - but it comforted him more than anything.

Haruka was also aware that he was rather severely depressed; ever since Rin's turn of person and the intense waves of guilt which followed, Haruka felt a little worthless and afraid. Afraid he would inflict the same sadness on others, afraid they would leave him also, just like his grandmother, just like his parents, and just like Rin. Incidentally, the need to isolate himself from others became increasingly detrimental to going about his daily life. Hence, his dependence on Makoto was the strongest it had ever been. He depended on Makoto to get him out of bed, get him out of the bath, help him cook, help him clean, help him talk, even do his homework for him - and Haruka had never even asked for such care. Every time he attempted to push Makoto away, Makoto would simply care for him twice as much, and give him intimate kisses followed by,

"You know I will always be here for you," which occasionally reduced Haruka to tears that he cried as inconspicuously as possible, determined not to let Makoto see, and if he did, he would wipe them away with a loving smile, and speak no more words.

During this period, Haruka would barely speak to Makoto, but Makoto would never demand anything more of him. Haruka almost felt that to say he loved Makoto would be an understatement.

Of course, there were days when Haruka could simply just not bring himself to go to school, no matter how many cuddles Makoto offered him, so Makoto would give him the time alone and cover for him at school - but he would always spend the evening with Haruka afterwards, just when he was beginning to feel an unbearable loneliness, a gap which Makoto always managed to fill. He knew Haruka so well it almost scared him, but Haruka also depended on him so much that it definitely scared him. Of course, due to such dependency, Haruka began to drown in expanding seas of doubt. When Makoto kissed him, he could only think to savour the taste of his lips before he became the next departure in his inconsistent, unstable life and when Makoto declared he would always be there, as much as Haruka loved and trusted him, constant doubt and depression counteracted such love with screams of 'I know you're lying'.

It was exhausting.

Despite the fact that he couldn't do anything, doing so exhausted him immeasurably, due to the restlessness of his anxiety and instability. Water was the only stability he had now, but lying motionless in the cold blanket of his bathtub for hours on end was nothing compared to the stability of Makoto.

But Makoto was autonomous, unlike water; this stability could leave Haruka at any moment he wished, and Haruka wasn't sure how long he would last if he were to become an absency.

Such thoughts plagued Haruka's mind to the point at which he could not hold them back any longer.

"Makoto," he said softly, and Makoto jumped a little. For him to be initiating a conversation had grown to be a rarity.

"What is it, Haru-chan?" Makoto asked, placing their empty plates in Haruka's sink. He had made dinner himself, for this was the third day running that Haruka refused to get out of the bathtub for school. Makoto was biding time patiently for Haruka to voice his concerns of his own accord, as he knew he would. Makoto never liked to pressure him, and was glad that Haruka appeared to be addressing the issue with him at last.

"You say that you will always be there for me, but I don't believe you," Haruka stated bluntly. Makoto's eyes widened a little in worried shock. "There is nothing for me in the future. Whereas you... You're clever and charismatic and popular and happy and-... and-..." his words became choked up. Makoto immediately used a strong arm to pull Haruka close to his body and rub comforting circles on the small of his back and his heaving shoulders.

"But I'm happy because I'm with you..." Makoto retorted.

"That's a waste," Haruka dismissed shakily. "Don't you dare stay in Iwatobi for me; you waste too much time on me already and I would hate to hold you back from reaching for the top just as you and your parents want. You will leave, because you are worth aiming higher, and I'll be proud. I really don't want to hold you back or force you to make a promise to me which you can't keep," everything spilled out of his mouth at once.

"Haru, I will stay with you for as long as you need me. Even if I am forced to leave Iwatobi, there are other ways for us to be together. Trust me, I don't want to leave just as much as you don't want me to, but..." he laughed uncertainly, rubbing the back of his own neck awkwardly. Haruka pulled away from his muscular embrace.

"One more thing," Haruka added. "Are we dating?"

This time, Makoto laughed without a trace of uncertainty.

"Yeah, um, well, yes? I kind of assumed that we were, sorry," Makoto gabbled in reply. Haruka nodded.

"I hoped so, but I just wanted to make sure," Haruka explained. "I mean, we just naturally progressed to this so, there wasn't really any particular time to ask, but I'm kind of really in love with you so, I'd really like to..." It seemed that Haruka's own blush caused him to trail off. Makoto beamed.

"I'm kind of really in love with you too," Makoto laughed, taking hold of Haruka's left hand with his right. "Why else would I want to do all of this for you so much?"

Haruka pulled his hand away and moved to gently place both of his arms around Makoto's neck and looked up at him with pleading eyes which said, 'kiss me'. And Makoto did, lowering his head to bring his lips closer to Haruka's and let Haruka meet him halfway, who softly pressed their lips together and sucked on Makoto's bottom lip, who released a breath of pleasure and slid the palms of his hands under Haruka's shirt to run his fingers over the muscular, slender waist which he loved so much as their kiss became heated and passionate, warm with their co-dependency and need for one another. In the bleakness that Haruka felt to be his future, he could not deny happiness in moments like these. He kissed Makoto against the kitchen counter until their spines began to ache, and Haruka clung to Makoto through the rest of the evening and all through the night, just as Makoto always would to Haruka, with a hope that he could cling to and keep such happiness if he did so.


End file.
